I've put off writing this post for hours because this year, honestly, I don't know what to say. I've reread last year's post: here. It does remind me that going into 2014 I didn't expect anything. I couldn't because I was already gifted with so much time, so much in my life. I was hopeful at this time last year. I am not this year. 2014 was not overly kind to me. While I think I truly have had worse years (I mean, no one died in my personal life or anything), 2014 tried. It tried. And I'm sad to say that at this point I don't know how to feel now that it's over.
"A sad soul can kill quicker than a germ." - John Steinbeck
Now that's a heavy quote for someone like me, isn't it? Maybe that's what I am, a sad soul. Maybe that's what so much medication, so must stress, and so much worry this year have done to me. Yes, I am *fully* aware of just how lucky I am. I remind myself every. day. how good I have it. That's what keeps me going in the worst times. That's how I console myself when it's hard to breathe, or when everything hurts, or just when things refuse to work out. But there has to be a point in there when I'm allowed to be tired.
That's where I am. That's the truth of it. I'm tired. I'm sick. I'm scared. I really don't know what's next; much less so than I ever have before. Will I look back and see 2014 as a tipping point? Or will it be a blip as 2004 and 2008-9 were? I just don't know. All I can do is hope. I have Mike, I have my family, I have my fur kids, I have a roof over my head, food in my tummy, and toys to keep me busy. I am lucky, and I am grateful, so I guess that means I *am* hopeful.
2015, please be different.
Please be better.
We need better right now.