01 January, 2015

Project Life 2015: New Year, New Beginning

I've put off writing this post for hours because this year, honestly, I don't know what to say. I've reread last year's post: here. It does remind me that going into 2014 I didn't expect anything. I couldn't because I was already gifted with so much time, so much in my life. I was hopeful at this time last year. I am not this year. 2014 was not overly kind to me. While I think I truly have had worse years (I mean, no one died in my personal life or anything), 2014 tried. It tried. And I'm sad to say that at this point I don't know how to feel now that it's over.

"A sad soul can kill quicker than a germ." - John Steinbeck
Now that's a heavy quote for someone like me, isn't it? Maybe that's what I am, a sad soul. Maybe that's what so much medication, so must stress, and so much worry this year have done to me. Yes, I am *fully* aware of just how lucky I am. I remind myself every. day. how good I have it. That's what keeps me going in the worst times. That's how I console myself when it's hard to breathe, or when everything hurts, or just when things refuse to work out. But there has to be a point in there when I'm allowed to be tired.

That's where I am. That's the truth of it. I'm tired. I'm sick. I'm scared. I really don't know what's next; much less so than I ever have before. Will I look back and see 2014 as a tipping point? Or will it be a blip as 2004 and 2008-9 were? I just don't know. All I can do is hope. I have Mike, I have my family, I have my fur kids, I have a roof over my head, food in my tummy, and toys to keep me busy. I am lucky, and I am grateful, so I guess that means I *am* hopeful.

2015, please be different. 
Please be better. 
We need better right now.

6 comments:

  1. <3 I'm keeping you in my thoughts, Aeryn. I hope you continue to create things. Your marker and colored pencil skills blow my mind.

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    1. Thank you, Emily. I definitely am hoping to make things as much as I can. Thank you for being so supportive of me and my art. I truly appreciate it.

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  2. Hugs to you Aeryn and I hope for you that 2015 turns out to be pleasantly surprising in every good way for you and your family.

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    1. Sharla, thank you, I appreciate the sentiment. A good new year to you as well. :)

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