Hi, guys! So, if you've gotten to know me a bit, one thing you might know is that I have issues with space. I don't like to take up a lot of it, but I also don't like to feel stifled, especially when I'm creating. Something that has been stifling me is my filming set up. It was okay for a while, but it covered up my Copic shelves and my second monitor and that bothered me. So I moved it over to the other side on January 18th, as you can see here:
But after using it for a few months I realised that this presented other challenges. Like, being completely 4 feet away from my Copic shelves and colouring mediums, making live colouring impossible. It also, for some reason, meant that the tripod got knocked and shoved a bit and so the shot was always different. And since it had to be so far above the desk, the shot was really wide and covered so much space I had a hard time focusing on smaller areas. And lastly the lighting was always inconsistent (which you may have noticed). So, after all this, I also began running out of space in my little corner with all the art journaling supplies I've been buying (see previous post about Ikea cart!) and I knew that I needed to a change.
My solution was to buy a new "leaf" for my desk and make it into an L. Mike has an L desk, nearly exactly this size, and I thought that's just what I needed. Some place where I can not worry about my monitor getting glue on it (that happened), or my keyboard getting paint on it while I work (also happened), and I can leave my tripod set up all the time so I can, if working on an art journal page, just click it on and off as I work. The other thing I knew that I truly needed was a proper shelf for my toys. My Funko figures get knocked over all the time, I had my TARDIS ornament break on me after it fell off my Copic shelf, and I can't see some of my figures because there's no room for them. I definitely needed a shelf. We made the trip to Ikea after my recent CF doctor's visit on the 3rd of March.
Finally, on the 20th, we were able to take out the shelf of random kitchen materials and unused canvases, push over my Kallax unit, and make space for the new part of my desk. It was about here I started to feel sick about adding all this space. $9 of MDF and some laminate and I started to completely lose it.
And here, we got the shelf up, I organised my toys, and we set the desk part up temporarily. I need another leg on my desk so we have to go to Ikea again. The Alex unit that is in the left hand corner will actually be moved under the new desk leaf and that corner will be supported by proper desk legs instead. But this is the set up until then.
I was still freaking out at this point, but getting my Copics and other colouring mediums into a workable place and seeing exactly how fun this new set up can be has helped a little in making me feel more comfortable with this expansion.
And here it is this very morning. I think it looks really pretty, don't get me wrong. And I don't want you to think that I'm complaining, or that I'm not appreciative of what I have. I am truly grateful I have the space in my kitchen to do this. My house is 700sqft total, so to be able to carve out this corner just for me is amazing. And this desk is now the same size as my husband's desk in our bedroom, so it's not like it's that exceptional or anything. I am very appreciative that I have a husband that indulges my need to make art, to have space to do it, and to make videos of it as well.
But yeah, I've mentioned before I have mental challenges and one of those issues is with space, ownership, and consumerism. I enjoy new things, I get inspired by them, but owning things bugs me. So while I get happy when I get a haul of stuff, I enjoy filming it and playing with it, I'm also guilty to the point of being sick about it. I'm aware that it's stupid, but like depression, it's hard to turn off. While a big part of me is all "look how pretty this new desk is! It's going to change how I create, film, and enjoy my art! I'm so happy with how bright and rainbow it is too! I can't believe my luck! I can't wait to make something and share it right now because I'm so happy!" the other part of me is "you're a piece of crap for wasting so much money on something as dumb as art. Why would you need all this. There are people out there starving and you have all this space dedicated to *crafting*. You're an idiot. And look at those toys. Are you four? How could you take up so much space with something that's just for you? Who the hell are you to need this much space, this many supplies, all this STUFF. You're such a waste of a person, a waste of money, and you should be ashamed of yourself for ever doing this." If that sounds stupid to you, you're lucky, cos waffling between those two emotions and monologues is really exhausting. And I cannot shut it off, I just have to live with it until I've heard it enough that I can start to ignore it. But it won't go away. Not ever.
And that's just kind of where I'm at. No one has ever really said these things to me (aside from trolls), but my inner self is a jerk, so I just have to live with it. Mike, on the other hand, went on Amazon and bought me a small, bendy tripod so I can actually mount my camera on the toy shelf above my new workspace. It'll be smaller, less intrusive, and hopefully just what I need. It should be here Wednesday, so I'll try to film something then. Also, when we get the new desk legs and everything is settled, I'll film another room tour for you because things have changed a lot and with a proper video camera I don't have to worry about focusing issues! So stay tuned for that. :) I hope you have a great day, and thanks for visiting!